Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know

I nearly threw up my coffee and cornflakes the other morning.

Idly watching the Breakfast News on the BBC, when they switch to some sort of expose of gambling in the UK, and interview a "Professional Poker Player", one Ron Fanelli. He was shown yahooing (NOT an uncommon occurence) when winning a pot (an uncommon occurence) at the Gutshot club. The sycophantic commentary then informed us that he had won £200, whereupon my choking turned to uncontrolled laughter.

This guy is one of the MEGA stars at the Vic, a man who, when losing £100 to a marginal bad beat, can steamingly proceed to blow 2 grand in the next twenty minutes. In fact, one seasoned pro told me that he sometimes deliberately makes a bad call against him, in the hope of outdrawing him and provoking this kind of reaction.

But the least attractive of all his qualities (and there are a fair few to choose from), is the fact that he is one of the most unpleasant people you could hope to sit next to at a poker table, even at the Vic, where it seems that dozens of people are vying for some secret "height of unpleasantness" end-of-year cash bonus.

Rudeness, loudness beyond all possible imagining, manic hyena-like laughter, and most of all tantrums at the slightest provocation, all are the stock in trade of the man self-styled "Mad Yank", but more generally known outside his earshot as "That Cunt"

More Gut Wrenching.

Another thing that bugs me about Gutshot is that they accept as members scumbags that have been rightly thrown out of casinos up and down the land. Tony Theo was barred by the Vic for cheating with the shuffle in a self deal competition. What benefit does Gutshot have by accepting this wanker as a member, particularly as ALL their comps are self dealt?

Ask Pedro about Adrian Challis, and he'll gladly tell you (at great length) about how Challis emptied his online accounts. So what better idea than to allow Challis to lounge about in the Gutshot internet room, waiting for some poor sap to accidentally leave himself logged in, and to find his account empty by the time he gets home?

A Shot to the Gut

I've been to the Gutshot club a few times, and while I don't go as far as the Camel in dissing the place, there are a few very odd things about it.

Firstly, the guys who run the card room don't seem to up to the task. I know Roy Houghton has a reputation approaching saintliness in the poker community, but he's either lost it, or quite possibly never had it in the first place. His bizzare rulings over the years ("Whisper in my ear what your mucked cards were, son, and you can have 'em back") have long been ridiculed, but his idea of managing a comp seems to be having a sly fag in the corner, while trying to chat up any bird who unwisely comes within ten feet. And the dodgy barrow-boy bubble who runs it the rest of the time is as good as Roy is, but without the experience.

Secondly, the guys who own the gaff are regularly to be found playing in the comps and the cash games. Now, while it would be harsh to prevent them, does anyone think this is a good idea in practice? What happens if they are involved in a dubious incident that requires a ruling? What chance has the poor sap who's up against the boss of the club got of getting a fair hearing?

More Luton bollocks.

Every Tuesday there is a £10 hold 'em comp at Luton, and it regularly attracts some of the worst players ever to have plonked themselves down at a card table.

The stupid thing about it is that insist on calling it a "Beginners Tournament".

The other day it was won by Phil "Steaming" Stein, with Kevin "Lovejoy" O'Leary runner-up. Now, some players can be classed as beginners regardless of how long they have been playing, and Stein clearly belongs in this group. His many years of multiple donations in the Luton cardroom have done much to keep it open and profitable, so the occasional result can't be grudged. But O'Leary does have a clue, and I can only assume that the reason he didn't beat Stein heads up, is because he rightly cringed at the thought of being the "Beginners Champion".

Either that, or Stein lumped it all in with complete filth as per usual, and got lucky.

Drooooooooooooooooooooone..........

Young is at it again.

The reason he is always banging on and on and on about cash play, is because he is such a god-awful tournament player. I sat on his table recently at the Gutshot club and he didn't play a single hand for about an hour!

You would have thought that somebody with his (in his own mind at least) legendary insight would have seen something wrong with this strategy.

Luton, the arsehole of the universe.

It's official!

Luton has been crowned the crappiest place in the UK.

This has long been known to poker players, who have had the misfortune to attend this miserable hellhole for years. To get there from anywhere decent (ie London), you first have to navigate about fifteen miles of traffic jams up the M1, then peer round corners as Bedfordshire's finest constabulary wait to pounce on anyone going 32mph, and finally either entrust your motor to the quasi protection racket that is the casino car park - one half-step up from the "mind your motor, guvnor?" urchins of South London - or, take your chances with the Sainsbury's car park, with it's unlit "valley of death" alleyway past the roughest boozer outside Merseyside.

So you found it, you tossers.

Welcome to PokerBastard, the blog that promises to slag off everybody and everything connected to the world of poker, well, in the UK at first, but I anticipate a global presence in years to come.