Poker Bastard

Once More, With Feeling

2007-01-18T01:07:00.000Z

"The best things in life are free, but you can tell that to the birds and bees, I want money..."

So sung Barrett Strong, and it should be the theme tune pumped through the speakers of the Gutshot club at all times.

This organisation was set up as a so-called Members Club, but it's real purpose was to line the pockets of its two wide boys owners to as great an extent as possible, before the inevitable happened, and the long arm of the law finally found the time and inclination to assert itself.
Regrettably, having fallen for the glib patter of the blarney kissing huckster, the eminent judge has already indicated that a custodial sentence, though available to him as an option, will not be considered in this case. Even more surprisingly, considering the flagrant disregard of the law shown by the defendant over a period of nearly four years, (and amazingly the continuance of that disregard since the verdict was reached) the likely fine is said to be a token one.

For all the balding leprechaun's insistence that the club doesn't make a profit, and that if it did, it would be returned to its membership, the figures don't come close to adding up.

Enlightened estimates put the "drop" taken by the house in rake from both tournament and cash games, after deductions for wages, rent, and non capital expenditure, at between fourteen and sixteen thousand pounds a week. For the mathematically inept among you (and that of course includes "star" defence witness Nic Szeremeta - a star indeed), that amounts to a profit of between £700,000 and £800,000 a year. This excludes the profits generated by the bar, restaurant, and internet site.

That these figures are, by necessity, conjecture is in no small part due to the failure of the Chairman of the Gutshot Private Members Club to have ever submitted any audited financial figures to his membership, since the club's inception in 2003. If nothing else, this surely gives lie to his claims that his business venture is in fact an accountable private members club.

One can only hope that should his appeal fail, the forensic accountants of the fraud squad are invited by the Appeal judges to quantify an accurate assessment of the ill-gotten gains, so that they can be rightly confiscated.

Freeze That Frame

2005-11-09T21:21:00.000Z

Well, it looks like the sun is at last starting to set on the evil Gutshot empire. Butch and Sundance are finally about to exit the hideout, to meet the waiting feds. Only this time, no-one is playing Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head. Mr Moderator will put away his red crayon for the last time, little David Young will have to find someone else to pay him twenty quid to explain why nobody else but him has a clue, and people entering the World Series will have to do so under their own names.

Why has it taken so long for the boys in blue to get their act together? Since day one, it has been completely apparent to anyone interested that the entire operation is manifestly illegal. They don't have a Gaming license. Even if they did (and the chances of Trotter and Paddy ever convincing a magistrate that they are fit and proper persons are about as likely as Michael Arnold winning Miss World) they rake the pots, which is specifically outlawed in the legislation. Their puny defence about being a Private Members Club is a joke because firstly, even such establishments are not allowed to rake pots, and secondly, because the profits in fact go straight down the black hole of Dodgy Martin's and Bent Kelly's creative accounting procedures.

If entrepreneurship means spotting that there is a market in separating shell-suited wide boys from both their giro cheques and their pill-pushing income, then by all means, give them a Queens Award for Industry, but let's not pretend that there is any benefit to the poker world at large. By the time they are (hopefully) shut down, they will have creamed about half a million out of the poker economy. The true pity is that they are both banned from all UK casinos or else, with their legendary poker skills and a prevailing wind, it would all get lost back within about three months.

Sling yer 'ook

2005-07-26T09:54:00.000+01:00

Here at Bastard Towers, we never miss an opportunity to put the boot into the sleazemongers of Gutshot, so it pains us a little when we have to send some kudos in their direction. But the truth must be told.

I'm advised that they recently barred Craig Grant for life from their establishment. Not for telling porkies about what he would have made had had he not passed (the nuts). Not for telling porkies about how unlucky he was in a $71,000 pot in the Bellagio (he was in a £10 rebuy comp in Brighton at the time). Not for telling porkies about what he'd passed pre flop (the fourth and fifth queens in the deck).

But for stealing chips off players stacks during a break. In a £5 comp.

Apparently, some people complained that they had less chips than they should have when the competition recommenced, and a detailed perusal of CCTV footage nailed the culprit bang to rights.

This is about as low as it is possible for a poker player to stoop, and by rights this ought to earn the fucker a similar ban from every casino, card club and spieler in the country, but we're not holding our breath.

Back, and Blue

2005-07-05T15:23:00.000+01:00

As some of you may have realised, this blog was hijacked by one or more hackers, who obviously prefer that there be no-one dishing the dirt on the filthy world of poker in the UK.

The good news is that, after extensive recovery efforts, we have reclaimed the site, and that normal service will be restored shortly.

In the interim, please feel free to send us any good stories or gossip to:

pokerbastard@hotmail.com

More shortly...

Pro Choice

2005-03-24T08:41:00.000Z

What is a poker professional?

It should be a fairly simple question to answer, but as with much in poker, it contains more grey areas than appear on Simon Trumper's cranium.

There was a time when it was simple, a pro was a guy - always a guy - who played the game, won decent amounts, and had no other surce of income. But in these days of corporate sponsorship, where a player so completely devoid of both talent and personality as Debbie Rogers can command a sponsorship deal, it's time to examine the question properly.

There have always been "backing" arrangements, where players were entered into cash games or competitions by other individuals, with the player generally copping half of the winnings, and poker being poker, the backers got stiffed more often than not. Peter Costa was at one time the Tiger Woods of stiffing, having been put into a few comps by the ever-trusting Laurie Butters, winning them, and then for one of many possible reasons (dice, blackjack, pai gow...) failing to stump up with the readies. Incidentally, the subsequent denial of these easily verifiable facts by Laurie on the Pokerineurope forum, was perhaps the lowest point in the history of the poker forums (an honour for which there is a great deal of competition).

But corporate sponsorship is basically a giant freeroll for the recipient, where, because they don't have to put up their own money, they are in effect being employed by the sponsoring party to play competitions for them, as well as undertaking to perform various marketing tasks at the company's behest. So these lucky people are perhaps the first in history to be formally employed to play poker.

Mind you, it's not only in poker that these definition are tricky, as evinced by boxer Amir Khan being offered a £280,000 package to remain an amateur!

Harder in Nevada

2005-03-16T09:14:00.000Z

Spring is in the air, the daffodils are poking through the warmer soil,
and the thoughts of lusty young poker folk all over the country turn to one thing -

Vegas.

What is it about this obnoxious city that so captivates the thoughts of the poker playing public, particularily as there is one immutable law of British poker players and Vegas, they ALL come back skint.

(OK, you can throw the names of Julian Garner and James Vogl at me, but any statistician will tell you that such tiny exceptions to the rule can be safely ignored.)

Some people complain that the overriding annoyance in Vegas is the never ending ringing of the slots, but to me, it's the the unceasing and unsavoury spectacle of skint fellow countrymen on the nip. The low hum that accompanies word of a British player winning a large pot in some hidden corner of Benny's Bullpen soon breaks out into an undignified scramble as the array of nippers jostle for prime position to waylay the poor sucker on his way to the bar, with tales of "unbelievable outdraws" and "just a monkey till we get back home". All of which means that, even in the unlikely event of making good on the poker table, the chance of bringing home any ready cash is a negligible one.

Western Philosophy

2005-02-07T13:12:00.000Z

The ongoing saga that is the Western club continues to confound.

Does anyone have any idea how much it cost to fit out this monstrosity? And for what? So that the people who sunk money into this comic venture can have a place to park their ample arses while playing a £1000 omaha game, and a few dismal chicken soupers can decamp from St Johns Wood now and again for some tight arse kalooki?

Has it dawned on them yet that for half a million or so less, they could have continued to play the same opponents, for the same stakes, at the Vic, but now they have burned their bridges and will have to scrape and bow to have their memberships reinstated when the Western crashes and burns, as it inevitably will?

Say what you like about the Gutshot spivs and all their money grabbing antics (and I will, Mitser Fneehney), at least their motives are apparent (grab as much cash as possible before the law gets it's arse in gear). But unless the Western is an elaborate front through which to "lose" some unexplained income, there is no business sense behind the venture at all, merely a collection of egos only surpassed on the day that David Young attended his first Mensa meeting.

From The Mailbag

2005-02-01T16:32:00.000Z

From : James Feeny
Sent : 31 January 2005 18:37:09
To : pokerbastard@hotmail.com
Subject : poker article about Gutshot

You article about the Gutshot poker room makes me laugh. You say it is full of think people that cannot play the game. I make my living playing poker and play at Gutshot everyday. You say it is full of bad players, but in my opinion everywhere is. I think the only think person is you.

ps your articles are shit.

You couldn't make it up.

.

They watched their Rome burn.

2005-01-28T18:16:00.000Z

Bobby Moore, Sir Leonard Hutton, Martin Johnson, Murray Brown.

The chest swells with pride, and a tear wells in the hardiest eye, when one ponders on the great names that have captained English sports teams to magnificent victories over the years, and which have brought honour and nobility to the humble citizens of our island race.

But what's this? Pint-sized colonial poker whore Keith "Bendigo" Sloan dares to have a pop at one of our aforementioned heroes?

I organized nothing, I was invited to be tournament director by the casino because of previous problems with the teams event. The marketing, organizing etc. of this event was all done by an Englishman. With no rules available to me (lost by one English organizer).
When the rules allowed for a player to be on the final table (chip leader) with no chance of collecting a single $ in prizemoney the end result was inevitable.
The casino was advised by me (and many players also) of the potential problems with this tournament but were talked out of changing any of the procedures by the organizer and unfortunately the Casino Manager was left to take the blame.
They have made changes to the format and rules for the next event of this type in an attempt to overcome previous problems (however the organizer still refuses to accept the format is flawed).

All is sadness. There truly are no more heroes anymore.

And in other news

2005-01-27T08:27:00.000Z

From today's FT:

The world's biggest online poker site is edging towards a market listing, in what could be a further sign of a resurgence in investor interest in internet businesses. PartyGaming, formerly known as iGlobalMedia, owns Party-Poker.com, and has 5m registered users. It has been sounding out banks in London over a potential flotation that could be worth more than £2.3bn ($4.3bn).

Bankers who have seen the Gibraltar-based group's accounts say that it generated earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation of more than $350m in 2004.

PartyGaming is owned by a small group of investors, including Ruth Parasol, an American lawyer, and Anarag Dikshit, a software specialist from India.

Noble Poker Chief Executive Jac Dipshit also revealed plans for a float, "We hope to float all 170% of our stock, and we are talking to various parties in the hope of selling the entire company to 3 or 4 of them".

CFO Willy Jackshit commented "We hope to invest all the profits in an online craps venture"

Chairman Gary Apeshit was not available for comment, but it is believed he would make the least money from the float, as he had paid twice what everybody else had originally.

Gut Rot

2005-01-15T12:34:00.000Z

“The only “real” name in poker”

That should read “The real “Moneymaker” in poker”.

Let us start by airing a few basic facts about Gutshot. Not malice or jealousy. Facts.

The Gutshot card club/internet cardroom is not the future or the saviour of poker. The game of poker and the huge majority of poker players were doing just fine long before the place ever sprung up. The brand name is making an absolute mint for a very select few people because of some admittedly very clever marketing portraying it as some ground-breaking set up which has the best interests of the club members at heart, and which is revolutionising the game. As a business, it has the interests of its OWNERS at heart, and the clever spin of ”Gutshot is proudly joining forces with”(insert any organisation that will bung them a few quid in exchange for distributing branded baseball caps/key fobs/whatever-but of course NO actual money for the poker players themselves by way of adding to prize pools) should not cut any ice with anyone with more than one brain cell who should see it for what it really is-gloss to get punters in and nothing more.
New players are made to feel very welcome, but are omitted from being told that they will soon be rubbing shoulders with every barred casino cheat, angle-shooter, nipper and general lowlife poker has to offer. To educate people would be bad business so we don’t want that.
You do not argue with Gutshot. You do not air opinions that are seen as contrary to the interests of the club. You do not swear on the forum(unless you are in the clique then your post may not be removed). You don’t promote charity work or any poker related events that will not make money for Gutshot. You should all know this by now. The recent TIME OUT article which portrays the club in a less than wonderful light(a not uncommon opinion) was instantly shouted down, and its author personally attacked in a pretty appalling fashion-mostly by ignorant unwashed student-types who have seen far too many reruns of Late Night Poker and Rounders, and are sadly living in the belief that they are themselves experts at the game. From my few visits to the place I‘d concede that there are some great players and nice people there, but they are vastly outnumbered by know-it-all wankers and 25 quid cash game merchants whose only experience of real poker is watching it on TV (they just don’t know it) and choosing sunglasses and loud poker shirts from C and A, whilst learning how to twiddle poker chips and practice their dramatic stare prior to folding.
The Gutshot forum used to be a highly amusing and informative place to go. It’s now a horribly watered down hive of double standards which is primarily used to further boost the bulging coffers of the empire. Pretty much NONE of the original forum posters bother with the place anymore and it’s easy to see why. Various issues including gross overcharging, collusion, overcrowding, player intimidation, and the fact the whole thing is NOT really a “collective” in any sense (the members get no sniff of the profits at all and probably never will despite hints about shares for the members) have been swept under the rug and generally ignored. As long as the punters keep playing and paying-that is ALL that is important, and luckily most regulars are too thick to see it. Barbed snipes at other poker websites and cardrooms, along with in-house generated self publicising question/answer sessions give the illusion of everyone being delighted with ”the best thing ever to happen to poker”.
The poor people who have never known poker outside the goldfish bowl of Clerkenwell can happily continue to put down the rest of the UK (non Gutshot) poker scene and crow about how they don’t want to be like the regulars at the Vic. This is fine, because the regulars at the Vic who generally ARE players would be horrified if they ever became the uninformed poncified average-ability tossers who constitute the “new breed of poker player”, who have indirectly created precisely the kind of old boys network they originally said they hated and wished to banish. Same thing, different label. What a laugh. The club will continue to make a packet. The players will continue to live in cloud cuckoo land. Ad nauseum.

The Camel’s views about Gutshot are not one voice. In fact a fair proportion of people don’t like the place, the “ethic”, or the way it quite shamelessly makes a small fortune whilst pretending it’s on a crusade of some kind. It isn’t. Except for its own profit.

Ain't No Smoke

2004-12-23T09:19:00.000Z

First came UKpoker, with the database of Mark's ever so impressive online results.

Then in chipped the Hendon Mob, with their exhaustive trawl through tournament results the world over (except the ones that didn't comply with Data Protection! Presumably Mr Anon of Brighton doesn't want the Child Support Agency to know how much he's winning).

So here at Bastard Towers, we decided to announce the formation of our own Bastard Database. We aim to bring to you a comprehensive list of all players banned from casinos in the UK, with a short description of the misdeed (or more likely, outright criminality) that caused their downfall.

But folks, we cannot do this without the generous help of our loyal - and growing - readership, so we hereby invite all of you to name and shame as many people as possible by sending details to pokerbastard@hotmail.com, or by a comment to this post.

You send 'em, we'll post 'em.

Bastard Gongs 2004

2004-12-10T18:38:00.000Z

Player of the Year

Best - James Vogl. Managed to win massive World Series event despite the handicap of being coached by Ron "Mad Yank" Fanelli and Victor Bede.
Worst - Barny Boatman. Has sponsorship money ever been spent worse?

Tournament Performance of the Year

Best - Xuyen Pham. So there IS a decent player in that relationship!
Worst - Marty Wilson. "Wasn't his hand mucked?"

Cardroom of the Year

Best - The Vic. Well managed, high quality staff, and good numbers of players.
Worst - The Western. Was supposed to be the answer to a London poker player's prayers, but is merely an 800 seater white elephant that hosts what is basically a private game for the club's many owners.

Standard of Play at Cardroom

Best - The Vic, unfortunately.
Worst - Southampton. More play that has you gasping at it's incompetence than anywhere else in the UK.

Cardroom Staff of the Year

Best - The Vic. No frills, just incredibly competent.
Worst - Luton. Full of frills, but incredibly incompetent.

Dealer of the Year

Best - Deano, Vic. Doesn't make mistakes, ever.
Worst - Grey haired middle aged guy at Gutshot. More interested in getting involved in the players conversations and fawning over female players than in dealing properly.

Poker Website of the Year

Best - The Mob Forum. Useful information and entertaining ireverrence.
Worst - For the umpteenth year in succession UKPoker.com. I won't link to it, don't go there.

Poker Blog of the Year

Best - The Camel's blog. Funny, impassioned, and usually right.
Worst - The Wise Owl. Cutting and pasting fawning interviews is not a blog.

Like Moths To A Flame.

2004-12-05T21:46:00.000Z

Reading reports of the Brighton Festival this week, I notice that among the leaders of the main event is none other than "cricketer Ed Giddins".

How at home this guy must feel among the cheats and card sharps of the Brighton Rendezvous, for this is the man who is currently banned from all forms of cricket for 5 years, having been found guilty of betting £7,000 on his county (Surrey) to lose a National League game. Earlier in his career, he had been sacked by a previous county and banned for 18 months, having tested positive for cocaine at a random drugs test.

Isn't it nice when fine upstanding members of the sporting world grace our poker rooms with their presence?

Poker Loopy

2004-12-01T20:01:00.000Z

A post appeared on the Hendon Mob forum from one Andy Pyrah (who a google search tells me works for Matchroom), about the PacificPoker.com UK Open that graced out TV's last week.

Assuming the poster is indeed who he says he is, Mr Pyrah says, among other things, this -

Marty is a true proffesional (sic) at what ever he does, be it, playing in front of the cameras, working behind the scenes every hour of every day, or entertaining the online qualifers back at the hotel, ensuring that they enjoy their stay - There's nobody better at what he does.

If he is trying to suggest that a true professional would deliberately try and take the chips from a pot knowing that he hadn't won it, I'm afraid that Mr Pyrah knows less about the game than he claims to do.

Liam Flood is the best around. Anyone questioning Liam's credentials should hang their head in shame. Every 'TRUE' proffesional (sic) out there will agree.

Saying that someone is "the best around" doesn't make it so. Attacking people who rightly criticise Flood for the debacle of the wrongly awarded pot does not diminish Flood's responsibility. He fucked up, admit it.

Padraig Parkinson - This guy has been there done it, got the t-shirt several times over. How many of the 'posters' which knock him will achieve what he has in their lifetime?

Well, if they handed out awards for the most alcohol consumed by a poker player, then yes, Parkinson (did they name the shaking disease after him?) would be the poker equivalent of The Simpsons, but does no-one else see the irony of a NON poker player having a go at poker players for their lack of achievements in the game! What the fuck have YOU achieved Mr Pyrah?

The fact remains that this show is the latest in a long line of shoddy, unattractive and badly edited TV poker shows, with the now de rigeur inane commentary.

And every 'TRUE' proffesional out there will agree with me.

Cheat Watch (2)

2004-11-24T19:23:00.000Z

Queen sang:

#A brand new angle, highly commendable,
Seaside Rendezvous#

I'm afraid I can't be quite as pleasant about the Redezvous Casino, Brighton.

It is home to a varied assortment of characters, and it appears to be the last casino in Britain not to have banned Koresh. This would appear to show an unusual degree of common sense by the management, as the massive amounts he is prone to drop at the roulette wheel must surely outweigh the occasional havoc he causes when he claims to have put the £300 on red before the ball landed.

But the ongoing cheating in the poker room is far more problematic. It hosts what I believe is the largest casino cash game in the country to be self-dealt, and this, if nothing else, should set the warning lights flashing. I have heard too many tales of dirty dealings there for it to be a coincidence, and for that reason I have studiously refrained from playing any cash games there.

The management of the poker room has been flawed from the outset. The first manager was keen but hopeless, having been given a spectacularly good reference from his previous employer, Roy Houghton at Russell Square, just so that he could get rid of him. The subsequent manager was frog-marched of the premises by Special Branch, and things have got little better since then.

The stupid thing is that the measures needed to tighten up procedures there are relatively minor, a dealer for the cash games, no cash allowed to be in play, regular changing of the decks, and management that understands the game and is aware of the strokes that can be, and are, pulled every day.

Sorry Freddie, it's not a brand new angle, but the same old ones.

Cheat Watch

2004-11-21T02:41:00.000Z

The Tony Theo story has caused a bit of a rumpus on the Gutshot forum, with certain people calling for him to be banned, and others asking for clarification to be sought from the Vic for the reasons why they booted him out.

The amazing thing is that he appears not to have been banned by Grosvenor Luton, who specialise in the same type of self-deal comps as the one in which he was caught cheating. Presumably were he guilty of cheating at roulette or blackjack, Grosvenor would be quick to alert all the casinos in their chain, but when it is merely OUR money, no-one gives a fuck.

What is clear is that even if Gutshot do not rescind his membership, he will be watched like a hawk by the other players every time he shuffles, cuts, or deals, which will make it harder for him to try and pull any stunts again.

Dammed if I do

2004-11-16T21:17:00.000Z

Amsterdam was the usual mixture of good tournaments, live fish, and high rakes. As usual, most of the top tournament players in Europe attended, so it would have made more sense to go to Blackpool, where some of Europe's worst players play. But Blackpool rivals Luton for abject shittiness, as well as the necessity to hire armed protection when leaving the casino with more than thirty quid in your pocket (which, let's face it, it's almost impossible not to do in a place where even Howard Plant can win tournaments on a regular basis).

Perhaps that's the answer, check the schedules carefully, decide where all the sharks are headed, and jet off in the opposite direction.

Compare and Contrast

2004-11-09T13:55:00.000Z

From Pokerineurope.com:

Grosvenor Victoria, Sat 9th October, No Limit Hold 'Em Freezeout £3000 + £30.

Grosvenor Southampton, Tue 2nd November, No Limit Hold 'Em Freezeout £400 + £40.

Can this be true? Did Southampton charge a £40 entry fee on a £400 freezeout? If so this is this the biggest entry fee ever charged for a UK competition? And all for a crappy self-deal Tuesday afternoon competition?

Of course, this may just be down to Jon Shoreman's perpetually erratic typing, the real figure could have been £4, £10, or £13.67. Answers on a postcard please.

Mind you, I would gladly pay all that and more for the chance to watch the Norman Gold patented shuffle, purported to be the loudest and least effective shuffle in the world. I bet it confused the locals no end, which might explain his unlikely money finish.

Hit me baby

2004-11-04T20:58:00.000Z

Two people have asked me to post a remarkable story that they have recently heard about a high profile UK poker pro and copious amounts of non-prescription drugs.

While I am quite happy to post such a story, I feel duty bound to at least attempt to verify it's accuracy first.

But if you have any stories that you think I might like to post, send me an email to pokerbastard@hotmail.com and i'll do my best to bring it to the world's attention.

Deep in the Brown stuff

2004-11-01T01:02:00.000Z

You've got to laugh.

Apparently the "European Nations Team Challenge" in St. Petersburg descended into farce when three of the remaining four teams decided to collude with each other to eliminate the England team. I don't know the exact structure of the competition, but by all accounts it appears to have been easy for chip passing, soft playing and the like to have taken place, and there seems to have been no ionclination from the tournament directors to stop it.

Now on the face of it this appears to have been a grim experience for those who have been cheated, as well as a prima facie case of theft and/or corruption, so why did I laugh?

Well, one of the "faces" behind this venture (and incidentally, the recipient of a stomach-churning hagiography in Poker Digest some years back by the queen of arse lickers, Wendeen Eolis) is none other than Murray Brown, who also captained (!) the England team.

Brown is a nasty piece of work, and any event that shows him in a bad light is fine by me, and if the publicising of this event tells a wider audience what those of us unfortunate enough to have to play with him in the Vic already know about him, better still.

Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know

2004-10-29T11:40:00.000+01:00

I nearly threw up my coffee and cornflakes the other morning.

Idly watching the Breakfast News on the BBC, when they switch to some sort of expose of gambling in the UK, and interview a "Professional Poker Player", one Ron Fanelli. He was shown yahooing (NOT an uncommon occurence) when winning a pot (an uncommon occurence) at the Gutshot club. The sycophantic commentary then informed us that he had won £200, whereupon my choking turned to uncontrolled laughter.

This guy is one of the MEGA stars at the Vic, a man who, when losing £100 to a marginal bad beat, can steamingly proceed to blow 2 grand in the next twenty minutes. In fact, one seasoned pro told me that he sometimes deliberately makes a bad call against him, in the hope of outdrawing him and provoking this kind of reaction.

But the least attractive of all his qualities (and there are a fair few to choose from), is the fact that he is one of the most unpleasant people you could hope to sit next to at a poker table, even at the Vic, where it seems that dozens of people are vying for some secret "height of unpleasantness" end-of-year cash bonus.

Rudeness, loudness beyond all possible imagining, manic hyena-like laughter, and most of all tantrums at the slightest provocation, all are the stock in trade of the man self-styled "Mad Yank", but more generally known outside his earshot as "That Cunt"

More Gut Wrenching.

2004-10-26T13:12:00.000+01:00

Another thing that bugs me about Gutshot is that they accept as members scumbags that have been rightly thrown out of casinos up and down the land. Tony Theo was barred by the Vic for cheating with the shuffle in a self deal competition. What benefit does Gutshot have by accepting this wanker as a member, particularly as ALL their comps are self dealt?

Ask Pedro about Adrian Challis, and he'll gladly tell you (at great length) about how Challis emptied his online accounts. So what better idea than to allow Challis to lounge about in the Gutshot internet room, waiting for some poor sap to accidentally leave himself logged in, and to find his account empty by the time he gets home?

A Shot to the Gut

2004-10-24T14:36:00.000+01:00

I've been to the Gutshot club a few times, and while I don't go as far as the Camel in dissing the place, there are a few very odd things about it.

Firstly, the guys who run the card room don't seem to up to the task. I know Roy Houghton has a reputation approaching saintliness in the poker community, but he's either lost it, or quite possibly never had it in the first place. His bizzare rulings over the years ("Whisper in my ear what your mucked cards were, son, and you can have 'em back") have long been ridiculed, but his idea of managing a comp seems to be having a sly fag in the corner, while trying to chat up any bird who unwisely comes within ten feet. And the dodgy barrow-boy bubble who runs it the rest of the time is as good as Roy is, but without the experience.

Secondly, the guys who own the gaff are regularly to be found playing in the comps and the cash games. Now, while it would be harsh to prevent them, does anyone think this is a good idea in practice? What happens if they are involved in a dubious incident that requires a ruling? What chance has the poor sap who's up against the boss of the club got of getting a fair hearing?

More Luton bollocks.

2004-10-21T23:50:00.000+01:00

Every Tuesday there is a £10 hold 'em comp at Luton, and it regularly attracts some of the worst players ever to have plonked themselves down at a card table.

The stupid thing about it is that insist on calling it a "Beginners Tournament".

The other day it was won by Phil "Steaming" Stein, with Kevin "Lovejoy" O'Leary runner-up. Now, some players can be classed as beginners regardless of how long they have been playing, and Stein clearly belongs in this group. His many years of multiple donations in the Luton cardroom have done much to keep it open and profitable, so the occasional result can't be grudged. But O'Leary does have a clue, and I can only assume that the reason he didn't beat Stein heads up, is because he rightly cringed at the thought of being the "Beginners Champion".

Either that, or Stein lumped it all in with complete filth as per usual, and got lucky.

Drooooooooooooooooooooone..........

2004-10-21T16:42:00.000+01:00

Young is at it again.

The reason he is always banging on and on and on about cash play, is because he is such a god-awful tournament player. I sat on his table recently at the Gutshot club and he didn't play a single hand for about an hour!

You would have thought that somebody with his (in his own mind at least) legendary insight would have seen something wrong with this strategy.

Luton, the arsehole of the universe.

2004-10-19T13:15:00.000+01:00

It's official!

Luton has been crowned the crappiest place in the UK.

This has long been known to poker players, who have had the misfortune to attend this miserable hellhole for years. To get there from anywhere decent (ie London), you first have to navigate about fifteen miles of traffic jams up the M1, then peer round corners as Bedfordshire's finest constabulary wait to pounce on anyone going 32mph, and finally either entrust your motor to the quasi protection racket that is the casino car park - one half-step up from the "mind your motor, guvnor?" urchins of South London - or, take your chances with the Sainsbury's car park, with it's unlit "valley of death" alleyway past the roughest boozer outside Merseyside.

So you found it, you tossers.

2004-10-16T12:00:00.000+01:00

Welcome to PokerBastard, the blog that promises to slag off everybody and everything connected to the world of poker, well, in the UK at first, but I anticipate a global presence in years to come.